Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 


Well, it's Christmas eve, so it's time to toast to the season ("may it suffer the wrath and damnation of every last level of Dante's Inferno"), and then just plain get toasted. Miraculously, Mel & I both have the day off, and it's being spent with Gary in the comfort of an apartment none of us really have any real intention of leaving in the immediate future. Ah, to simply sit back and lounge...

But as it is a festive season, and I'm actually starting to smile over the idea of having 2 consecutive days off, I've decided to list my top 5 favourite Christmas movies. With any luck, a good portion of these will be viewed over the course of the next couple of days.

6. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (thrown in for good measure)
5. The Nightmare Before Christmas
4. Batman Returns
3. Die Hard
2. The Ref
1. A Muppets Christmas Carol


So from all of us here to all the rest of you: may you all enjoy whatever time off with friends and family you've been able to finagle out of your workplaces; may you enjoy lots of good food and booty; and I swear to God if I see any of you in the malls on Boxing Day, I will decapitate you on sight with the nearest backpack-on-wheels I can wrap my little hands around.

(With love!)


Today's Lesson: some days, when you step out of the car and discover that the entire parking garage mysteriously smells like farts, you're just better off holding your breath.
posted by Phillip at 9:04 AM

 

Here's how I spent this past last-weekend-before-Christmas.

Friday, I involuntarily had to work from 9am to 11:30pm, for a grand total of 14 straight hours of retail labour. I now understand why they call it "Moonlight Madness", considering the delerium I was in by around ten that night. I have also come to the conclusion that were he alive today, the Marquis de Sade would have applauded the whole cruel & unusual concept. Especially since I'm pretty damned sure it's to blame for...

Saturday, which was spent doing the following 3 things:

1) attempting not to pass out/collapse during my 9 hour shift
2) attempting not to vomit
3) failing miserably (and repeatedly) at #2

Despite my sister and a few friends stopping by for a brief visit later Saturday night, I barely saw any of them between paying my respects to the porcelain god (who obviously felt I'd not given him enough tribute as of late) and crashing in the bedroom from exhaustion.

Sunday saw yet another 9 hour work shift, although it fortunately saw a lot less vomit. Plus I also got to spend a few hours of consciousness where I wasn't actually at the store. Sure, I maybe had two or three surviving synapses left, but hey! At least I still had them.

Which brings us to...Monday. Where I worked. Again. Which makes this the 10th straight working day in a row, with no end or off-day in sight until Christmas.

On a related note, the next person who so much as hums a few bars of "It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" around me will find that the ensuing incident will ultimately end with me saying, "And that, your Honour, is when I ripped their spine out and beat them with it."

I think that once Boxing Day is over, I'm going to sit back with a few other mates sadly trapped in retail, and we will toast to the holiday season: "To the holidays! May it suffer every last possible hell and damnation offered by each level of Dante's Inferno."

Hoo-rah...
posted by Phillip at 9:14 AM